The power of saying little

In a world where everyone is talking, sometimes you get more attention when you post or say less. That’s when people want to hear what you have to say.

Here is something counterintuitive. In a party where there are a lot of people, the most interesting person is sometimes the one who says the least.

You see, everyone else is trying to be funny, or entertaining, or insightful or shocking. They talk and talk, tossing out one snide remark after another or trying to top each other.

Then there is that quiet person.

Those who are yakking start watching this person, because that person is the one who seems to actually listen to what they say. And when that person finally says something, there is an interesting reaction.

The crowd wants to hear what that person has to say. It is because they said little, that what they did say seems to matter.

The confidence to keep quiet

The ability to listen instead of talk is a sign of self-assurance. It shows that you don’t feel the need to impress. You don’t have to fill up silence. That self assurance can be off-putting. Society imposes negative expressions on quiet people. They are aloof, detached, standoffish.

Listening is a powerful thing. It provokes interesting responses in people. Sometimes they really appreciate it – the idea that you are honestly interested in what they have to say, because we live in a world where few people appreciate the thoughts of others.

Sometimes it freaks people out because they aren’t used to being listened to and worry about what is going on in your mind.

Growing up, I was the quiet kid in the class, terrified to speak up and be noticed. Perhaps that’s how I found my way into journalism. Journalists don’t need to talk much. Instead they let other people do the talking and respond with questions, not more information.

The other day I was listening to two friends talk about something, I can’t remember what. One turned to me suddenly and said, “What?” I said that I hadn’t said anything. She said, “But you are thinking something.”

Taking it all in

I realized I hadn’t really been thinking about anything and I realized too, that this has happened to me many times. People will turn to me and say “What?” when I hadn’t said anything. In those instances it seems as if people assumed I was deeply thinking about what they were saying when really I was just listening.

So I said to my friend: “No thoughts. My mind is a blank.”

That startled her. She wondered how I could do that as her brain was always working. It took me a while but I realized that it had to do with my training as a journalist. As a reporter, I would go out to events and first observe.

In doing so I would try not to make any judgments. I would just take in what I saw and heard and maybe smelled. I’d write all that in a notebook. Then I would find people and ask them questions. In doing so, I would largely accept what they had to say. I’d write all that down in my notebook.

Only when I would be back at my computer would I try to process all my observations and all the things people said into a story, into some sort of truth. It would be at that point that I would call people and perhaps challenge them about what they had told me if it didn’t seem to make sense.

Processing what you see and hear

To get to that point, I really needed my mind to step back during the reporting process. I needed to observe and listen, and not really think because thinking too much would taint the information.

There is a reason journalism is called media. As a reporter you are the medium between what is happening and the reader or listener or viewer who needs to know about it.

Too much of what passes as journalism these days is just people telling you what they think about whatever is happening instead of giving you necessary information and letting you come up with your own thoughts about it. They are talking to us instead of reporting.

Next time you are with a group of people try saying nothing. It isn’t easy. For all that I said about my keeping quiet, I also have the tendency to blabber in social settings. The blabber is a sign of my insecurity. When I’m quiet, I am feeling comfortable enough in that setting to be quiet.

It is when you listen, instead of talk, that you learn things. And that knowledge makes you a more interesting person, maybe the most interesting person at the party.

Questions to consider:

1. How can someone who has little to say be interesting to others?

2. Why is it difficult for many people to simply listen?

3. Why do you think many people try hard to be impressive or interesting?